This picture just cracked me up today.  I giggle every time I think about it.

It’s amazing how the weather affects me.  Those who suffer from SAD know exactly what I’m talking about.  The past couple of days, the sun has been shining gloriously and I’ve been filled with energy.  Today though, waking up to a gray, overcast sky made me want to just go back to bed.  I’ve still managed to be productive, but it’s been a struggle. 

In my quiet time this morning, God reminded me of Job and how he felt as though he were in the “land of gloom like thick darkness,like deep shadow without any order,where light is as thick darkness.” (Job 10:22)  To be sure, Job’s darkness was much bleaker than mine and God restored him.  Why do I think He would do any less for me?

I realize I am treating the sun like a functional savior.  If only the sun would shine or I lived in a nicer climate, my life would be perfect!  Of course that is ridiculous.  I guess I need to look beyond the glorious sunshine – to who created it – and give glory where it is due.  It is God who deserves my honor and praise – not the weatherman. 

In his second letter to the Corinthians, the apostle Paul reminds us that knowledge is light…and what is truly glorious is that God chose to show us who he is in the person and work of Jesus.   Sort of gives “light therapy” a whole new perspective, doesn’t it?

No, the sun cannot save me.  But, the Son can…and has. 

“he dawns on them like the morning light, like the sun shining forth on a cloudless morning, like rain that makes grass to sprout from the earth”. (2Samuel 23:4)

37….this is the first birthday I’ve struggled with.  I’ve never had a problem getting older…in fact, to a certain degree, I have relished it, because I do believe that with age comes wisdom.  But, this year….this year, I just feel old.  We went skiing on Saturday.  It’s been 9 years since I’ve been and my body really felt it.  It’s my own fault.  I haven’t been working out or taking care of myself the way I used to (or should).  But sometimes, just thinking about getting to the gym wears me out.  This time of year is hard, too.  I’ve always sort of gotten the “winter blues”, but this year has been particularly hard.  I find that I could fall asleep at any given moment of the day, but at 3 o’clock in the morning, my mind is racing with the most ridiculous thoughts (last night, it was “Why haven’t I worn my pink jacket lately…where is that thing anyway?…” – that’s probably another subject for another day).  Clearly, my rhythm is messed up.  I mean, I’m only 37.  That is SO not old.  Why do I feel so old? 

I was reflecting on my birthday thoughts last year (see below) and it struck me how that I no longer feel like that 16 year old inside.  This last year has brought so much change to my life.  I have a whole new set of friends, new church community, new ideas (or perhaps just more defined ones) about how I should be living my life.  On the one hand, it is refreshing and exciting….I have always known that I wanted something “more”.  It’s as though I have found my people – and I no longer feel like I am crazy—there ARE people who think the way I do about the gospel – and that Jesus calls his followers to be radically different in the world – not to just show up in the pew on Sunday.  On the other hand, it’s exhausting.  Life seemed easier when all you had to do was just check that off the list.  But, it wasn’t.

The idea of living in community makes so much sense, but is contrary to my introverted nature.  I get energy from people at the same time they are sucking the life out of me.  It’s such a strange dichotomy – and one in which I’m struggling to find a harmonious place to exist.

 So anyway….for my birthday, one of my gifts was a cool, pink armband for my iPod.  Another motivation for me to get to the gym tomorrow.  I mean, we can’t let a cool, pink armband sit at home now can we?

Originally posted 1/22/07

A friend of mine gave me a magnet that has that sentiment on it.  It says it’s by “anonymous”, but I’m fairly certain that Satchel Paige is credited with saying it.  My son says he would be 46, which is rather perplexing to me, but then, he does that to me quite often.

I turned 36 yesterday.  I don’t know what I thought 36 would feel like, but this ain’t it.  I’m closer to 40 than I am to 30 now and while my body probably feels closer to 36, my mind is still at 16.  Not from a maturity standpoint, but generally speaking, I feel like the exact same person I was back then.  Aging doesn’t freak me out…I’ve learned to appreciate that the years bring wisdom, but I think we tend to stereotype how people “are” at certain ages.  It really makes me wonder — if there were no numbers and people didn’t know how ‘old’ they were, would they age as quickly as they do?

I’ve been thinking a lot about his “I have a dream” speech these past few days.  In it, he says”I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character”.

 I think that MLK, Jr. is an amazing person who changed our world.  But, I think he got it wrong here.  God has been convicting me lately that judgement of anything BY ME is not acceptable.  So, while judging by the color of skin is wrong….so is judging by content of character.  Only God really knows a person’s heart.  I say this because I’ve recently been in a tiff with somebody who I believe gossiped about someone very close to me.  I decided that what this person said showed me her character and I was not interested in being her friend anymore. And then, it hit me.  By holding her to a standard, I was raising the bar for myself.  And, I am guilty of gossip.  I have tried to reconcile my feelings by saying “But, I would NEVER have said something like that….”.  It doesn’t matter.  Gossip is gossip.  I also justified my unwillingness to forgive because I never got an apology.  Well, Jesus has something to say about that:

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Ouch.

The bottom line is, Jesus died for my sin.  Jesus also died for this person’s sins, too.  So, what right do I have to hold a grudge?

 I reached out to her and I’m not sure how it will be recieved.  But, I decided that it doesn’t matter.  My identity is not dependent on what she or her friends think of me.  The important thing is that Jesus changed my heart toward her – I no longer carry the burden of my negative feelings for her.  It could be that we are never friends again, but Jesus is to be praised in this situation!

I’m not not much into them.  And, the things that come to mind lately are really New Life Resolutions…..I’m not ready to put them all out there at this point.  They’re safer in my own head right now…although I am constantly reminded that Jesus knows my thoughts, so He knows what they are.  What’s more, He probably put them there.  What I’m lacking now is motivation.  I’m not sure how to get it.  But, I know that it’s not something I can do.  Not alone.  The things that I want to accomplish are only possible with Jesus.  So, I guess what I need right now is the confidence that I can find my true identity in Christ – and that the changes I want to make are because I  want continue down the narrow path that God is calling me to walk.