Originally posted 1/22/07

A friend of mine gave me a magnet that has that sentiment on it.  It says it’s by “anonymous”, but I’m fairly certain that Satchel Paige is credited with saying it.  My son says he would be 46, which is rather perplexing to me, but then, he does that to me quite often.

I turned 36 yesterday.  I don’t know what I thought 36 would feel like, but this ain’t it.  I’m closer to 40 than I am to 30 now and while my body probably feels closer to 36, my mind is still at 16.  Not from a maturity standpoint, but generally speaking, I feel like the exact same person I was back then.  Aging doesn’t freak me out…I’ve learned to appreciate that the years bring wisdom, but I think we tend to stereotype how people “are” at certain ages.  It really makes me wonder — if there were no numbers and people didn’t know how ‘old’ they were, would they age as quickly as they do?

I’ve been thinking a lot about his “I have a dream” speech these past few days.  In it, he says”I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character”.

 I think that MLK, Jr. is an amazing person who changed our world.  But, I think he got it wrong here.  God has been convicting me lately that judgement of anything BY ME is not acceptable.  So, while judging by the color of skin is wrong….so is judging by content of character.  Only God really knows a person’s heart.  I say this because I’ve recently been in a tiff with somebody who I believe gossiped about someone very close to me.  I decided that what this person said showed me her character and I was not interested in being her friend anymore. And then, it hit me.  By holding her to a standard, I was raising the bar for myself.  And, I am guilty of gossip.  I have tried to reconcile my feelings by saying “But, I would NEVER have said something like that….”.  It doesn’t matter.  Gossip is gossip.  I also justified my unwillingness to forgive because I never got an apology.  Well, Jesus has something to say about that:

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Ouch.

The bottom line is, Jesus died for my sin.  Jesus also died for this person’s sins, too.  So, what right do I have to hold a grudge?

 I reached out to her and I’m not sure how it will be recieved.  But, I decided that it doesn’t matter.  My identity is not dependent on what she or her friends think of me.  The important thing is that Jesus changed my heart toward her – I no longer carry the burden of my negative feelings for her.  It could be that we are never friends again, but Jesus is to be praised in this situation!

I’m not not much into them.  And, the things that come to mind lately are really New Life Resolutions…..I’m not ready to put them all out there at this point.  They’re safer in my own head right now…although I am constantly reminded that Jesus knows my thoughts, so He knows what they are.  What’s more, He probably put them there.  What I’m lacking now is motivation.  I’m not sure how to get it.  But, I know that it’s not something I can do.  Not alone.  The things that I want to accomplish are only possible with Jesus.  So, I guess what I need right now is the confidence that I can find my true identity in Christ – and that the changes I want to make are because I  want continue down the narrow path that God is calling me to walk.