Driving in the car this weekend, we were listening to the local 24 hour Christmas station. “Blue Christmas” came on and my son asked us to turn the channel. Upon being questioned as to why in the world he didn’t like Elvis, he replied: “Because he sounds like a mixture of Paul McCartney and Scooby Doo”.
Maybe it was funnier in person, but that is Life According to Jake.
This day has been significant throughout my life for a couple of reasons. First, it is the day my sister was born. She was my first sibling and I was 9 years old, so it was something I remember very clearly and was a special and exciting day. My life would never be the same (in a good way, of course). Happy Birthday, Sis.
Eleven years later, this date brought another life changing event. I had been doing a work study job at The Daily Evergreen. I answered phones, took classified ads and did various odd jobs around the main office. I got to know several people at the newspaper and even had gone to high school with one of them, so I was friendly with several of the staff members. But there was this one really cute guy that would walk by, and as big as I smiled at him, he never once paid attention to me. I also was an avid reader of the opinion column. A couple of people contributed to it that I really enjoyed reading. There was one person in particular that I found myself agreeing with all the time and thinking, “I really wish I knew this person”. Then one day, the cute guy came to check out a camera from the front desk. The office manager was talking to him and as he walked away, she said, “Thanks, Lloyd”. My head snapped around. That was him. The guy that I had so enjoyed reading in the newspaper was the same cute guy that I watched walk by my desk every day.
After that, I started really going out of my way to get his attention. Looking back, it was a little stalker-ish. The newspaper recieved a great many promotional CD’s for review and we had an auction one day. I didn’t care a bit about the auction, but decided to start bidding on all of the CD’s that he was bidding on. There was one in particular, Lloyd Cole that he kept bidding on. We were the only two bidding and eventually I ended up winning the CD. My plan was to strike up a conversation with him about it. That never really panned out. Ironically enough, the title of that CD is “Don’t Get Weird on me Babe” (which by the way, is a brilliant album that was probably a few years ahead of its time).
After that didn’t work, I just got bold. I figured out which bus he took and I would sit next to him (he never noticed). Instead of just smiling at him when he walked by, I just said a very enthusiast “hi!”. I’m sure he thought I was crazy. Finally, we started to have short conversations. One day, I woke up and got really cute for class. My roommate asked me why and I told her that this was the day Lloyd was going to ask me out. She looked at me with a little bit of skeptisim (okay, a lot…) and said, “Oh, the guy who doesn’t really know who you are?” Yeah. That’s him. “Okay”, she said…..”well, you look cute”.
When I got to work, he came by to check his mailbox. I noticed that he had taken a couple of basketball tickets out of his box. The conversation went something like this:
Me: “HI!!!!”
Him: “uh, hi….”
Me: “What are you doing tonight”?
Him: “uh….I’m going to a basketball game and then I have band practice”
Me: “Oh that is SO COOL. I haven’t been to a basketball game yet this year!!!!!!!!”
Him: Looking at the tickets….”uh….do you want to come?”
Me: “Well, let me call my roommate — we had plans tonight but I’m sure she won’t mind…”
Remember how I said he probably thought I was crazy? Well, he may have been on to something.
So, we went to the game. Afterward, we went to the Combine for coffee (which he made me pay for myself). We talked about things that never should have been talked about on a first “date” (religion, politics, etc). And, then I took him to band practice and went home. On the surface, it was largely uneventful. But, when I walked in the door, I told my roommate that I’d found the man I was going to marry. She asked me to please let my boyfriend know because he wouldn’t stop calling every 10 minutes. Oh yeah….I had forgotten about him. I had also forgotten to call my sister on her birthday.
It was another few months before we actually officially started dating. But, I always knew he was the one. Twenty years later, I still know it. He’s my best friend, my partner, my soul mate.
Oh, and we still have that Lloyd Cole CD.
Let me start out by saying that I am a gift giver. I love giving presents that bring people joy. It’s my “love language” as they say. But, every year about this time, I start to go on a rant about consumerism. This year is a little bit different though.
I used to be 100% opposed to Black Friday. I despised all that it stood for and wondered at the irony of how quickly we shift from being thankful to being, well…greedy. I’ve been doing more thinking about it recently and while I haven’t necessarily changed my position, my outlook has shifted. I still don’t like it. Especially when I hear stories of people using pepper spray to ensure that they get the product they want. Or grandfathers being slammed to the ground by police, traumatizing grandchildren. In fact, the violence this year is reported as being the worst ever. You begin to wonder if the gifts that people are fighting over will even be remembered by this time next year. Chances are, they won’t.
On the other hand, it is prudent to steward your money wisely. If you can save 50% on something that you are going to buy anyway, why not take advantage of the sales? My laptop computer died on the Monday before Thanksgiving. I need a new one because I use my computer to work from home. We were able to get a deal and spent 1/3 of what our alloted budget was for it. We happened to do it online, but if we wanted to stand in line for it, that would be our business.
I also support spending money locally. I love the idea of Small Business Saturday. When I lived in Olympia, I used to go to Duck the Malls every year. I found wonderful gifts which supported local artisans. (It’s coming up next weekend, so if you are in the area, check it out!)
Another thing I have started to consider is the tradition that some people enjoy. My sister-in-law goes out with her sisters every year. They love it. They get to spend time together and enjoy eachothers company while saving money on gifts they will likely buy anyway.
My issue with Black Friday and Cyber Monday and the all of the consumerism that surrounds the holidays really boils down to a heart issue. If you are buying things and spending money on a gift just because it’s on sale, it doesn’t make sense to me. I promise you that people who love you would much rather have your time. A couple of years ago, I gave my step-mom a hand made gift certificate for a date to afternoon tea at the Phoenician Resort in Phoenix, where she lives. Yes, in the end, I still spent money — and I knew that it would be months before we would actually do it (it was May by the time I got to Phoenix). But, that afternoon we spent together will forever be in our memories — a bigger treasure than any material thing I could have purchased for that same price.
And, then there is the reality that despite our current economic situation, we are still the richest country in the world. In the midst of cries of “we are the 99%”, we still have managed to spend around $54 billion between Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
To the rest of the world, we are the 1%.
These folks say it better than I ever could. I’ve been trying to live by the Advent Conspiracy values for many years now. I still give gifts. I just approach it differently now.
Three years ago — not to the exact date, but it was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving — I got a call that changed everything. Literally, in an instant, my whole world changed. Forever. It was the day that Madelyne came into our lives. Born to drug addicted parents, she needed a home. We didn’t know if it would be for a little while or forever. Turns out, it was for a little while, but she changed us forever. I don’t know if I can adequately put it into words. The six months that she was with us were hard. Anyone who’s had a baby knows that it’s hard, even under the most ideal circumstances. Sleep deprivation makes you loopy. Add to it the emotional roller coaster of dealing with social services and homestudies and bi-weekly visitations and it was a very stressful time in our lives. But, it was also a very sweet time in our lives. We were able to love this little girl — and our friends and family loved her as well. And, at that time, it’s really all she needed. She needed to feel loved and comforted and safe. Deep in my heart, I know that it shaped who she is and will become. I am eternally grateful for that, despite the crushing heartbreak I sometimes still feel that she is no longer with us.
It was easy to love Madelyne. But, I was challenged – stretched – to love people that I didn’t want to love. To feel compassion for people that I didn’t want to feel compassion for. To be gracious, when I did not want to be gracious. To forgive when I did not want to forgive. And, in the midst of it all, to be a good example to my son, who was watching and learning.
Today, my emotions are mixed. I miss her. I miss her a lot. But, I am eternally grateful that I got to be her mom — even if only for a little while.
A few days ago, on Veteran’s Day, I pulled out a picture of my grandfather. It was taken when he was just 18 or 19 years old. I’ve always loved it. He was always so special to me. He’s been gone 19 years and I still miss him every day.
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| William “Franklin” Wallace |
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| William “Jacob” Brown |
As someone who had battled SAD for many years, today is easy. And a picture is worth 1000 words. But I’ll say it anyway. 71 degrees on November 14th. Perfection.
I have missed a few days of posting, but not from being grateful. I made special note each day of what I wanted to make sure I expressed gratitude for:
Day 9: The plans I originally had for Wednesday night fell through and Lloyd was out of town. So, I took the opportunity to invite a friend over for dinner. Her son is a friend of Jake’s. She and I met a few months ago during the 5th grade field trip and instantly connected. We had a nice evening just chatting and enjoying one another’s company. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be spontaneous and make new friends.
Day 10 – I spent a lot of time (years, really) being anxious about middle school. I don’t know what I was worried about because Jake is absolutely thriving. Conferences were on Thursday and while I am very grateful for his report card and that he got on the honor roll. He’s obviously not perfect though and he has some areas that definitely need work. But boiled down to one sentence, the feedback I received was that: He’s a confident, self-advocate who is hard-working, respectful and enthusiastic. I couldn’t really ask for more. Many will say that it’s a reflection of good parenting. But, the truth is that we couldn’t do it alone. We really believe it takes a village and we are grateful for the friends, family, teachers and other influential adults that have taken an interest in Jake over the years. I think you know who you are, so thank you for making a difference in his life. And ours.
Day 11 – Friday was a near perfect day. Lloyd has traveled a lot this year. In fact, I figured it out and he’s been gone about 20% of the time this year. He came back from his last scheduled business trip of the year on Thursday night and Friday was a holiday. We were able to have a restful day, with no real obligations. The icing on the cake was having his cousins over for dinner, one of whom he hadn’t seen in 30 years. We are so grateful to have been able to connect with long lost family members over the last couple of years. They have added richness to our lives.
Day 12 – We are grateful for the new friends we’ve made here in DC. We had some friends over for dinner on Saturday night. It’s amazing to think that we didn’t even know these people a year ago and yet now, we cannot imagine them not being part of our lives.
Day 13 – We all woke up feeling under the weather on Sunday. Even though I spent a good part of the day sleeping — and I was not able to do the things I wanted to do, I am grateful that overall, we are all healthy. There was a time when I wasn’t sure if that would ever be our reality — but it is and I couldn’t be more thankful.
Jake takes piano lessons at the Levine School of Music which has classrooms at the Music Center at Strathmore. It is a beautiful facility that attracts wonderful acts and upscale audiences. Normally, Jake’s lesson is at 4pm on Mondays but this week, we had to rearrange the schedule, so his lesson was tonight at 7:30. My plan was to drop him off and sit in the car and do some work in the car while I waited.
We have always tried to make a point of eating dinner together as a family as much as possible. Our schedules are busy and Lloyd has traveled a lot — particularly this year. The other night, Lloyd was gone and Jake and I sat down to eat. Jake asked me how my day was and wondered if there were any stories that I wanted to tell about work. It made me realize that this family time together really does make a difference and he has learned to approach meal time with the attitude that it is a fellowship time, rather than just a time to eat.
Tonight, he had a lot to say. Anyone who knows Jake isn’t surprised by this — he always has a lot to say. But, he was sharing things about his day that were important. We got to talk about life lessons that he was learning through some things that were going on at school. And, he isn’t completely self focused. He always asks how our days were and wants to know what we did. He even seems interested in our answers — at least for now.
Someday soon — a lot sooner than I like to think about — it will only be Lloyd and I at the dinner table. I cherish our family meal time and am very grateful for it.
I’m grumpy today. I hate falling back to standard time.
So, in light of that (pun intended), today I’m grateful for Daylight Savings Time.
Is it March yet?
Adventures of A Wild Pixie 