Love God. Love People.

January 30, 2013January 31, 2013 / Stephanie / Leave a comment

As you can see with my other posts this past week, I’ve been rather pre-occupied with personal things. However, my brain has been working overtime on some other issues as well and I just can’t keep them in any longer.

It’s January and January always brings intense debates about abortion. This post is not intended to address the political aspects of the debate and honestly, I’m not even interested in talking about or debating my views on the subject. What I am interested in is talking about the Christian perspective.

That being said, buckle your seat belts because unless you know me really well, this may turn out to be different than what you might be expecting.

I was listening to a well-known and influential pastor* a few weeks ago and somehow he started talking about abortion and how it is murder and that in the eyes of God, if you have had an abortion you are no better than the guy who shot up the elementary in Newtown, CT. I had to stop what I was doing and replay it to make sure that was really what I was hearing. It was. In the end, it bothered me so much that I stopped listening and went on to delete my subscription to this particular pastor’s sermons. To be fair though, it wasn’t because of this one instance…there have been many things leading up to this action on my part.

As the weeks went on, it bothered me more and more. I started getting emails from other well-known and influential pastors whom I follow who were also writing about the subject. I ended up reading a blog post, written by a woman who attended one of the aforementioned pastor’s churches. Essentially, she said that if we were bothered by his words, we need to ask ourselves why and address that. So, I did that (asked myself why) and this is me addressing it.

Several years ago, I read Phillip Yancey’s book, “What’s so Amazing about Grace?” I was rocked by the opening chapter in which Yancey tells a story of a prostitute whom he invited to church. Her response was, “Church! Why would I ever go there? I was already feeling terrible about myself. They’d just make me feel worse.” (pg 11). Instead of church being a welcoming and forgiving place, this woman (who had done such unspeakable things that I cannot even write about them) would not even consider darkening the doorway. Let’s be clear…I know that as Christians, we are not to gloss over sin and condemning it is not categorically a bad thing. And, I also am aware of the simplicity of Yancey’s arguments from a theological standpoint. But, unless and until we (as believing Christians) recognize and accept that not one of us is worthy in the eyes of God, we have no right to call someone else out as a murderer (for more on this, see Matthew 7). If I, as a self-proclaimed Christian, who believes in the healing blood of Jesus was offended enough to turn the voice of that pastor off, then what about the person who has no concept of what Jesus dying on the cross means for their life? The consequences of those words could be eternal, in my opinion.

So, that is the “why”. It bothers me, not because people have strong opinions about abortion — or even what those opinions are, but because they allow it to become a potential stumbling block for others. Hear me on this: I do not think it’s bad to have an opinion on the subject. Nor do I think we should remain silent on the issue. My point is this: our words are powerful. We must be careful in how we present the gospel to somebody who doesn’t understand it. Instead of focusing on the sin, focus on He who died for the sin and the hope that each and every one of us has because of that tremendous sacrifice. Not one of us has led a sinless life — and as far as I can tell, God abhors all sin, so we all are in need of grace. Grace, for as simple as the definition is (undeserving favor), is extremely complex. Not only do people not understand it, they have a hard time accepting it because we live in a culture that values earning everything we have. And, I think it’s harder to extend grace for the same reasons. But, we should extend grace because it has been extended to us….every single day for reasons that we may not even think we need it.

Several years ago, I started praying that God would break my heart for the things that break His. (Side note: be careful if you decide to pray this. God will answer it and you will be heartbroken all the time). And, my heart is broken now. Not only for those who may have heard that message and who now want nothing to do with seeking Jesus but for those who are now second guessing Jesus — and also for the grace that I can’t seem to muster for the person who said it. I can’t help but think that when we get into these kinds of debates and start using hateful language (even if it’s only inside our own heads) that we are getting it all wrong. And, I have this vision of God shaking his head and saying “That’s not what I meant….”.

Finally, as I’ve been writing this, I’m increasingly aware that this isn’t just about abortion. It’s about all of the ways that we judge others and all of the litmus tests that we place on people who call themselves Christians (or don’t). I heard a woman recently talk about how her church family has hurt her more than anyone with regard to a personal issue. I think it’s because we expect more from our church family. We expect more from people who claim to follow Christ. And, when you expect more, you hurt more when those people let you down. But the real truth is that everyone is going to let you down because not one of us is perfect. Only Jesus is perfect. So, it makes sense to me that we should focus on the plank in our own eye and the Great Commandment that Jesus gave us:

³⁴But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. ³⁵And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. ³⁶“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” ³⁷And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Matthew 22:34-40

Love God. Love People. Not just love people, but love them as yourself. Have you ever thought about the high pedestal we tend to put ourselves on? We are to love people THAT much. Such a simple and yet incredibly difficult commandment. People are difficult to love when they make decisions that are contrary to your beliefs that you are so committed to! So, when you can’t love people, it’s time to focus on loving God and remember that He loves us despite how difficult we are. Miraculous things will begin to happen — you begin to love people, not because they are lovable but because if you truly love God, you love the people He loves. Even when you don’t want to.

*Pastor’s name is not included because I don’t want this post or discussion to be about him or for this post to be searchable based on his name because I don’t really think that is the point.

Life according to Jake

December 19, 2012December 19, 2012 / Stephanie / 1 Comment

It’s been hard having a 13 year old these past few days. In the past, I’ve been able to avoid talking about national tragedies by avoiding turning on the television. I remember being so grateful that he was only 2 on 9/11 because I had no idea what I would have said to him.

Then, Friday happened and I had no idea what to say to him. But, I had to say something. I quickly realized that you don’t have to have an answer about “why?”, but the most important thing to do is listen and encourage them to talk about their feelings. And, as we talked, I found that my sweet son was being as comforting to me as I was trying to be to him.

I was trying to explain to him about how I react to things — I told him about a character in The Secret Life of Bees that I relate to. May Boatright is a complicated personality. Highly sensitive to the pain of others, she carries the weight of the world in her soul. She built a wailing wall in her backyard and goes there when she is upset. And then I told him that I often joke that I need a wailing wall of my own in the backyard.

He looked at me and said, “Mom, you don’t need to build a wailing wall. You have one right here”, and he patted his chest. “God knows what’s in your heart”.

Tears filled my eyes as I looked at this child, who has no idea how wise he is, even though sometimes he still puts his pants on backwards. I thanked him and told him that this was a conversation I will never forget.

I’ve said it before….I take no credit for how awesome he is. But, I do like to share the insights he has. Usually they are funny and light-hearted. Today, I hope his wise words can bring someone else comfort as well.

Feel free to use this post as your own wailing wall. My son and I would be privileged to join you in prayer for everyone affected by the Newtown shooting. And, that means everyone.

My God is bigger than that

December 17, 2012December 17, 2012 / Stephanie / 1 Comment

The emotions are riding high in light of what has happened in Newtown, CT. We all have a lot of opinions about a lot of different things. It seems the only thing that we aren’t divided on is our devastation over the loss of innocent lives.

I’m not here to rant about gun control or mental health…although I do have strong opinions about those things. Among all of the things that people are debating right now, in light of the tragedy, this is the thing that has me the most riled up:

This is one of the most offensive things I have ever seen. And to be clear, I am a Christian.

The argument that the absence an official school prayer time would indirectly (or directly) correlate with a slaughter in an elementary school is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. And, again…I am a Christian.

One of the things I love to do when studying the Bible is to keep an on-going list of God’s attributes as I’m studying a passage. Doing this helps me understand God’s overall character. Understanding God’s character helps me identify when His character is being portrayed falsely. Here is a partial list of the attributes that I’ve listed in my Bible:

Creator

Good

Powerful

Wise

Loving

Omnipotent

Omnipresent

Graceful

Sovereign

Joyful

Forgiving

Truthful

Eternal

Unchanging

Glorious

Faithful

Holy

For the purposes of this post, I want to focus on “omnipresent”.

First, let’s define it:

om·ni·pres·ent

/ˌämnəˈpreznt/

Adjective

(of God) Present everywhere at the same time.
Widely or constantly encountered; common or widespread: “the omnipresent threat of natural disasters”.

As it relates to God, it means this is the attribute of God by which He fills the universe in all its parts and is present everywhere at once. Not a part, but the whole of God is present in every place.

Now, let’s support it with Scripture:

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
(Psalm 139:8 ESV)

“Am I a God at hand, declares the LORD, and not a God far away? Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the LORD. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the LORD.
(Jeremiah 23:23-24 ESV)

“But will God indeed dwell on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain you; how much less this house that I have built!
(1 Kings 8:27 ESV)

…that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us,
(Acts 17:27 ESV)

He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.
(Ephesians 4:10 ESV)

This is a small list, but the conclusion is that, in the simplest terms, there is no place to go where God is not already there.

And, then there is the Christmas story…

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,
and they shall call his name Immanuel”
(which means, God with us).
(Matthew 1:23 ESV)

Christians believe that this is fulfillment of the prophesy laid out in Isaiah:

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.
(Isaiah 7:14 ESV)

The point is this: If you believe God is omnipresent, then you believe God is everywhere. Not everywhere except public schools. He’s not the big bad wolf who is stopped by brick.

I realize that this opens up questions. Questions like, “if God is everywhere, why did this happen”. It’s another blog post (or several) all-together, but I feel like I need to at least address it. I only wish I had a compelling answer. The only thing I can say for sure is that in His mercy and grace and love, God gives us free will. We are not puppets in a grand performance. And, there is unspeakable evil in our broken world. Hence, our desperate need for a Savior. The hope that I personally have is summed up in Revelation 22:20 and is the prayer that I always pray when I am distraught:

He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!

(Revelation 22:20 ESV)

Back to the t-shirt above. When I see that, I automatically think that whoever believes that doesn’t know the true character of God. To say that God is not in schools is to believe that he is NOT omnipresent.

I’m not trying to be judgmental, although I realize I probably sound that way –and maybe I actually am. But, I’m really trying to point out that when people know you are a Christian, they are watching and listening to what you do and say. And, when you say that God is being controlled by humans, it diminishes your witness.

Finally, there are a lot of people who are sincerely asking the question that the t-shirt asks. Christian, is that the answer you really think that God would give to somebody who is hurting?

Happy Birthday Madelyne

November 24, 2012November 24, 2012 / Stephanie / 3 Comments

Four years ago today, a baby girl was born. Her mother is my husband’s niece, but we had no idea she was even pregnant. Her birthday itself was insignificant to us. I only recall it as the Monday before Thanksgiving and we were expecting a houseful of people. It was sort of an “orphans” holiday per se. Lots of people who were far away from their biological families would be joining us. But, I considered them as much my family as any blood relative.

Through a series of magnificent events, within 24 hours, the aforementioned baby was in our care and we spent Thanksgiving surrounded by friends and family who would become a significant part of her life even though she may never know it. Just like us, those people welcomed her into their lives….cared for her and loved her in the same way that they did us and our 9 year old son. It was a beautiful picture of a family being knit together, not necessarily by blood, but by love.

While Madelyne is no longer living with us, she is forever in our hearts. Not a day goes by that we don’t think of her and miss her. Time and distance has dulled the pain of letting her go, but the love in our hearts is still strong.

And as for the people who came alongside us during that time…..it’s hard to express my gratitude in words. It’s been said that you find out who your friends are in times of trial. Sometimes that means that people you thought might be there for you aren’t. In this case, we experienced the opposite. The outpouring of love and support still humbles me.

This Thanksgiving was different. We spent it with people who, 4 years ago, I never could have imagined knowing, but who have become dear friends. But, I found myself missing those people from that 2008 Thanksgiving more than usual. I remembered the food that they brought to my house that day. I remember the conversations vividly. I remember people passing the baby around, giving her the love she so deserved and that I believe continues to live in her and sustain her. It certainly lives in and sustains us.

Happy Birthday, Miss Baby. You didn’t just change our lives….you changed the lives of countless others in so many ways. You belong to a whole community of people who you may never know, but who are knit together by the shared experience of loving you.

Please pass the Mother-of-the-Year Award

August 10, 2012 / Stephanie / 2 Comments

Anyone who’s a mother knows that when we publicly proclaim that we have earned the “mother-of-the-year” award, it’s likely that we have experienced an epic parenting fail. And, let’s face it, we’re looking for some commiseration. (Wow. Commiseration really is a word…I wasn’t sure. Either that or the auto-correct gods are mocking me for trying to use big words.) Anyway…it makes us feel better when others tell us how they’ve done something similar…or worse. The truth is that most of the time, it’s usually nothing that is going to land our kids in therapy. Most of us don’t post those things on Facebook.

At the end of the school year, my 12 year old had a culminating project in his Reading class. It was one of those projects that just seemed doomed from the start. He was in the middle of rehearsals for two different plays and worked really hard to get a head start on it. I was proud of him for having the foresight to get ahead of it. Then, he lost the folder that contained all of his research and drafts. Incidentally, this portion of the project carried the most weight in his final grade. I encouraged him to talk to his teacher and see what could be done. This particular teacher is not especially gracious and they had a rocky start to the year. He’d eventually won her over though and I know that she was aware that he was doing to the required work. She agreed to let him stay after school to recreate the folder, which he did for several days. He learned an important lesson around it all though — and that is that relationships are important. Sometimes they are the most important when it comes to things like this. I had tried to impress that upon him when he was having trouble getting along with this teacher. It ended up being a blessing that this had happened because he was able to see it all play out. Well, then came the day to turn everything in. It was a Friday. He was finished with it and was so happy to finally be getting this thing out of his head. He’d been wearing the jump-drive around his neck for days so that it wouldn’t get lost.

I dropped him off at school and headed to work. I was the second one there and I remarked to my co-worker that I always have such high hopes for Fridays, but they rarely end up going the way I expect them to because inevitably something random comes up that I have to deal with. Just then, the phone rang. It was Jake. He was in tears because he’d left his jump drive at home. I wrote a quick email to my boss, telling him what happened and that I’d be back in an hour. I quipped that they could leave the Mother of the Year award on my desk. And when I got back, there actually was one on my desk.

Some people said that they wouldn’t have done it and that this was an important lesson for him to learn. Lucky for him, those people aren’t his mother. I knew how hard he’d worked. I knew how devastated he was. I knew that he was sorry. Now was not the time to rub it in. His grade depended on it and sometimes I think we just need to extend a little grace. Although I did put a note in the envelope that read “Not Happy”, which kind of negates the grace thing, but I felt like he needed to know that this was a huge inconvenience to me. I never once have held it over his head, but I do remind him regularly how important it is for him to be responsible, especially now that he’s almost…ahem….a teenager. Mom isn’t always going to be there to bail him out.

These past two weeks, he’s taken part in a Counselor in Training program at the YMCA. He’s been working with kindergartners. He has always loved little kids and they love him too. He’s just got a way with them. One of the things that is nice about the program is that he earns Student Service Learning (SSL) hours, which are required for graduation in Maryland. He has to have 75 to graduate and students can start earning them in 6th grade. There is a special award for kids who have earned all of them while still in middle school and that’s a goal of his. The hours he put in the last two weeks were going to get him really close to that goal.

As I was driving him to camp, I asked him if they were going to get the SSL forms today. The blood drained out of his face as he remembered that he was supposed to print it out and fill it out to turn in today. He begged me to go home and get it. He could fill it out on the way back.

As hard as it was for me to do, I said no. I reminded him that he came home from camp yesterday and basically did nothing but work on his fantasy football team and watch baseball all evening– which is fine. It’s summer. But, he knew that he had a responsibility. And, I know that he genuinely forgot (the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree), but this was an instance where I wasn’t going to bail him out. I told him he had to figure it out. He needed to talk to his counselor and figure out what his options are. He may miss out on those SSL hours. It’s not the end of the world if he does. There will be other opportunities to earn them. I told him that I did my part — I signed him up for the camp, I paid for it and I got him there on time every day. That was the extent of my responsibility. He was mad. He wouldn’t look at me when he got out of the car. He didn’t tell me that he loved me back and slammed the door without saying goodbye. It’s okay. He can be mad. I know he’s more mad at himself.

I wanted to rescue him. My instinct was to rescue him. But, that doesn’t teach him anything. Sometimes, my job is to rescue him but at the end of the day, parenting is really about giving our kids the tools they need to rescue themselves. Days like today are when the rubber meets the road. And, I look forward to finding out how he went about dealing with it when I pick him up today.

On a somewhat related note, right before this happened, Jake was telling me about how he was being peer pressured to chew gum. He has braces now and knows that gum is off limits. One of the things about having a kid with a black and white personality is that they usually will follow the rules, if someone else lays them out. He told me that he knew I was serious by the “evil eye” I gave him when I told him that if he breaks anything because he’s eaten something he wasn’t supposed to, he will pay for the repair. And, since he has no money, he’ll have to do it by doing the grossest chores I can come up with. Then, he went on to say, “Don’t tell Dad, but I’m more afraid of you than him”. He said it is because of the “look”. I said, “surely your Dad has an evil eye, too”. He replied, “Well, if he does have an evil eye, I’ve never seen it”. I realized that when we got on the discussion of the SSL form, I was giving him that “look”, which he describes as wide eyed, eyebrows raised and serious. I think it would scare me too.

So I think sometimes, we really do earn “Mother of the Year” (or at least, Mother of the Day) and my sense is that it isn’t always pleasant for anyone involved.

Surprised by Grace

June 30, 2012June 30, 2012 / Stephanie / Leave a comment

As you may have heard, we had quite a destructive storm come through the DC area last night. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Thanks to Capital Weather Gang, we had a heads up and they aren’t the guys who unnecessarily freak out. So, I knew when they said that this one was no joke, it was no joke. The storm came in and out quickly, but we lost power immediately. When we got up this morning, it looked like a tornado had gone through our neighborhood. We realized how lucky we were when we saw trees on house and cars. Still, we had no power and it was evident that it would not be coming on anytime soon.

We decided to try and find a hotel. Unfortunately, the PGA AT&T Golf Tournament is taking place at Congressional Golf Course, which is right near our house and all of the hotels were full. We also have a dog, so we needed to find a place that was pet friendly. It turned out not to be easy to find a place that also had power. We decided to go for breakfast because our son was “famished”. I’ve never actually heard Mr. Picky Pants express hunger this way, so I knew we had a situation on our hands. We sat at breakfast and tried to figure out what to do. We considered sucking it up, but the heat index was expected to be near 110 today. I was nearing tears when we got a text from a guy that Lloyd knows from transportation circles. He said that they were leaving town for a week this afternoon and that we were welcome to stay at their house…which has power.

We were just beside ourselves. Lloyd has known this guy for a few years via work connections. I had met him once but his wife had never met us at all. And here they were, offering their home to us. Honestly, if I’d made a list of all of the people in the area that we know who would have reached out to us in that way, they probably wouldn’t have bee very high on the list. Not because they aren’t great people, but because we don’t have that kind of relationship with them….or so I thought.

This morning, as we were trying to formulate a plan, our 12 year old remarked that he wasn’t worried…he knew God would provide. And, we knew that too. But, we didn’t expect this kind of provision. And it reminded us that God is always going ahead of us, preparing a way. I am guilty of acknowledging that God is in control and still trying to be in control myself. That’s not to say that we don’t need to do leg work. We do. We can’t just sit sweltering in our house and expecting God to walk in the front door and give us the solution. But, in our diligence, we need to allow God to do what he’s going to do.

In the midst of all of this, we had found a hotel. It had availability for a couple of nights and took dogs. And we had the means to pay for it although it wasn’t something that was in our budget. I will admit that while I will gladly open my doors to anyone (and was upset that I didn’t have power and couldn’t help others!), I often struggle with accepting help from others. It’s probably a pride issue. Ok, it’s definitely a pride issue. And I had to fight the urge to just say “we’ve got it handled”. It would have been fine.

But I would not have been so surprised by grace. I would not have had the opportunity to get to know these people who are obviously worth knowing better. And I wouldn’t have the opportunity to say to our son “yes…you were right. God provided for us” — and he did it in such an unexpected way that we can only point to His grace. It wasn’t because of anything that we did.

And that is the gospel.

Romans 10:9 and my love/hate relationship with Christianity

April 28, 2012April 30, 2012 / Stephanie / 1 Comment

… because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9 ESV)

I have a love/hate relationship with Christianity. It goes something like this:

I love Jesus.

I hate that people say that one must to do something other than love Jesus in order to call themselves a Christian.

I love Jesus.

I hate that we categorize people as believers and non-believers, whom we must somehow save (or not). We forget that we don’t do the saving. God does. When we convince ourselves that we somehow have something to do with it, we are making ourselves God and that’s idolotry.

I love Jesus.

I hate that people act like they know for an absolute fact who gets into Heaven and who doesn’t. It’s as if they don’t believe that God has the power to accomplish something bigger than our minds can comprehend. Here’s an extreme example: Jeffery Dahmer in heaven? Not a chance, we say. And yet, he proclaimed himself to be a born-again Christian. We believe that Jesus performed countless miracles and was raised from the dead and yet we don’t believe that God can redeem the heart of a sinful man? At the core, that is unbelief in the gospel.

I love Jesus.

I hate that a Jesus-loving black man stood in my kitchen last week and told me that he’s been told before that because his skin is black, he is a child of Satan. There is no scripture that gives us a complete physical description of Jesus (except in Isaiah 53:2, it does say that he was rather average), but I am 99.99% sure that he doesn’t look like this:

I love Jesus.

I hate that we use New Testament scripture as proof text as to why we are saved…and, we use Old Testament scripture as proof text as to why others aren’t. The Jesus we believe in, that we rejoice in his sacrifice and proclaim “He is Risen!” on Easter morning? He did that to fulfill those laws. Does it mean that we are to just go on sinning? No. But that is a whole study of Romans which could take months. My point is that we should be focusing on redemption and grace. Because, if we really are concerned about people, we aren’t going to do anything but drive them away by making them feel bad about themselves in Jesus’ name.

I love Jesus.

I hate that my faith gets questioned by people who think that Christians are of a certain political party. I have a whole diatribe on that, but I’ll just say that I can be a ~~Democrat~~ liberal and love Jesus at the same time. It makes perfect sense to me, but that’s another post for another day.

I love Jesus.

I hate that people suggest that science is in opposition to creation. If you believe that God created the universe, why is it so far fetched to believe that He used science to do it? We often refer to God as the Great Physician…why isn’t he also the Great Scientist?

I love Jesus.

I hate that we categorize sin. Sin is sin. It’s all in opposition to God and separates us from Him. Just because I can justify my act of anger toward somebody (clearly they acted a fool) doesn’t make it any less a sin than if I murdered somebody. Sound extreme? Read Matthew 5:21-22 and you’ll see what I mean. The point is not that if we get angry, we will go to hell. The point is that one sin is not bigger than the other. Still don’t buy it? Read James 2:10. Here, I’ll make it easy (but you should still look it up and not assume…)

For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. (James 2:10 ESV)

Nobody’s sin is bigger than anybody else’s. And when we start pointing out other people’s sin (which is SO easy to do), we raise the bar infinitely higher for ourselves. What these passages are telling us, in my opinion, is that we can’t do it on our own. That’s why we need a Savior. So, to get back to my original point, we spend too much time pointing out the sins of others instead of telling and SHOWING them the good news of Christ.

There’s a quote that many attribute to St. Francis of Assisi. It says “Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary, use words”. There’s no proof that he actually said that, but I digress. It serves as arsenal for people who either want to call Christians out for the rubber not meeting the road or for those who don’t really want the burden of saying the word “Jesus” out loud in mixed company. I can call out both groups because I have landed in each one at various times in my life. I’m not proud of it, just being real. Anyway, I have heard many bible teachers that I respect greatly disagree with the sentiment, saying that we always need to use words…to do anything less would be lukewarm. I think that if all we do is use words, it can be pointless and counter-productive. I can’t just walk up to my agnostic co-worker and read scripture to him and ask if he wants to recite the sinner’s prayer now. Even *if* he didn’t tell me I was crazy and walk away, I would then have to Google a generic sinner’s prayer because I wouldn’t know anything about his life or his story in a way that would make that prayer at all meaningful. You see, I believe that you have to show the gospel in order to share the gospel. Showing it doesn’t absolve us from sharing it, but how do we build relationships otherwise? I don’t take parenting advice from people who I think are terrible parents. Why would I ask somebody about Jesus if I didn’t think they walked the walk?

So, instead, I do my best to follow what Jesus said in Matthew when asked “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” (Matthew 22:36)

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40 ESV)

Love God. Love People. No other rules or conditions. And, essentially, I think what verse 40 is saying is that the whole of the Law and Prophets (Old Testament) is dependent on these two commandments. Think about it, if we all loved God and loved people, what purpose would a commandment not to murder even have? There would be no murder.

If you are like me, the commandment to love our neighbors is overwhelming. Because Jesus doesn’t tell us to love the people that we like. Or love the people we agree with. We are to love all people. How on earth do we do that!? Well, that’s why the first commandment is to love God. I have found that when you love God, it is easier to love people. Not easy. Easier. And honestly, I find that it’s easier to love people who are not Christians because I don’t expect as much. And, then I realize that I’m putting conditions on them (the Christians) which is exactly what I’m irritated about in the first place.

This really started out as a pithy list I had going in my mind about why I hate religion. The truth is that I don’t really hate religion, there are a lot of good things about religion; but I think it can sometimes distract us from what our mission as Christians really is. And it’s not pithy. It’s complicated. And, it’s important. But, sometimes I just can’t shake this thought from my mind:

Seriously.

I should note that I have many Christian friends who might read this and wonder if I am judging them. If I’m honest, perhaps I am. But, the way it plays out in my mind is how I am raising the bar for myself. So, it’s a self-reflection in that regard. On the other hand, I have many non-Christian friends who might read this and wonder if the only reason I’m friends with them is to convert them. No. In fact, you are the reasons why these thoughts begin to bounce around in my head. Why I examine my own interpretation of my faith and the scriptures. Why I am constantly trying to learn more, and in that process realize that there is so much I don’t know. Why I feel so strongly about loving the people whom God has seen fit to put in my life. Why I am content to let God be bigger than I can ever imagine. And in the process of knowing me, I pray that you might get a glimpse of the Jesus that I love. And, if you ever want to know about my faith, ask me. I’m an open book.

The Gospel and Maple Bacon Breakfast Cupcakes

April 22, 2012April 23, 2012 / Stephanie / 2 Comments

Let me start by saying that I am not a cook. I can cook and I do manage to make some decent meals, thanks to cookbooks and other people’s recipes. For the past several years, we have had groups of people meeting at our house regularly, so I’m always on the lookout for new things to serve. I break a cardinal rule though and serve things that I’ve never actually made (or even tried) before I feed them to others. Fortunately, this has never really been a problem.

The weekly meal started in Olympia as a group of people who all went to church together gathered weekly to share life with one another outside of Sunday worship. In the beginning, many of us didn’t even know each other at all — we just happened to live geographically close to one another. Food has a way of bringing people together. Think about it….put a group of strangers in a room together. The extroverts will be able to do okay, but it can still be awkward. If you are an introverted kind of person, it can be downright painful. Put that same group of strangers in a room together and add food or beverages and it instantly becomes a party.

When we began hosting these weekly gatherings, I used the meal as a way to protect myself…to give myself something to do and focus on because I am terrible at small talk. As we all began to get to know one another more intimately, I began to really enjoy serving others, feeding them food they really enjoyed in a welcoming atmosphere. This wasn’t a church “small group” per se, as we regularly invited friends and neighbors who didn’t necessarily go to our church — or to church at all. And when we had new people join us, the meal was a much better ice breaker than any kind of cheesy ice-breaker game or question (although those do have value in certain situations).

You see, I believe that meals are a way to remind us of our daily need for God both on physical and spiritual level. Jesus calls us to remember him and his sacrifice through a meal that Christians call communion. Not only that, one of the first things Jesus does after being resurrected from the dead is to break bread with the disciples that he meets on the road to Emmaus (Luke 24:30). The next morning, when he appeared to the rest of the disciples, he asked them, “Have you anything here to eat?” (Luke 24-41b). After he ate (they gave him broiled fish….), he went on to speak the most important truths of the Bible to them (read Luke 24:44-49 and you’ll see what I mean). When we eat together, we commune around these truths. The word itself is both a noun and a verb. The noun refers to a group of people living together and sharing possessions and responsibilities — a synonym being community. The verb refers to sharing one’s intimate thoughts or feelings with someone — a synonym being to communicate or converse. So the meal, to me, is a time that we nourish our bodies with food, but we also use that time to share our thoughts and feelings with other people, which leads to building a community. And, in our fast food nation, I think this is somewhat lost on people.

In addition to eating, I think it’s ~~important~~ essential to celebrate God’s goodness and grace. I desire to extravagantly bless others as a way to display God’s glory. When I serve people, I want to serve them in the best way that I possibly can. This might be by preparing an extravagant meal, opening the best bottle of wine or just knowing somebody’s favorite thing and serving that. When you consider Jesus’ first miracle (John 2:1-11), it is significant that when Jesus turned the water into wine, it was the best wine. When the disciples gave Jesus a piece of broiled fish back in Luke 24, it was probably the most extravagant thing they had.

Which brings me to the Maple Bacon Breakfast cupcakes. We have brunch with a group of people on a monthly-ish basis. Bacon is always a staple and it’s usually a topic of conversation — that is, how much everyone loves it. So, when I saw Maple Bacon Breakfast Cupcakes on Pinterest recently, I knew that was my next brunch item. I pinned it to my recipe board and when I went to make my shopping list, was dismayed to realize it was only a picture and there was no recipe. So, I searched for a recipe that sounded do-able. This morning, I got up early (not my favorite) and realized that we did not have any butter and had to change my plan. I decided to use pancake batter for the “cupcake” portion, but was not sure it would rise, so it actually turned into a science project (also not my favorite).

Did I mention I’m not a cook?

For a second, I almost scrapped the entire project. But, I was honestly driven out of my desire to provide something for this group that they would love. To be extravagant. To bless them. So, I winged it. And, they turned out fantastic. Here’s the recipe:

Start by cooking up some bacon. I wanted to use applewood smoked bacon, but we couldn’t find it. I would definitely use thick sliced, premium bacon. I think I did about 12 pieces.

2 cups pancake batter (it doesn’t matter what…I used some that I had bought in Mexico last month and never used. I actually put it in a carry on bag to bring home and it wasn’t until the TSA Agent started looking at the seals that I thought maybe it was a bad idea….”Hi Dad? I know I’m 41 years old, but I got arrested for having pancake batter in my carry-on. And, I’m in Mexico. I think they think it’s cocaine. … Hello?…”)

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

Sift the dry ingredients together. I think sifting is important when using the batter, because it made them light and fluffy.

Then add the following to the dry ingredients:

1 cup milk

2 eggs

Bacon grease from the bacon you just fried. This was an afterthought and I have no idea how much I used…maybe 2 tablespoons?

2 tablespoons maple syrup. This was also an afterthought as I wanted the cupcake portion to have a sweet and savory quality. I think it was the perfect amount, but I would make sure to use pure maple syrup for best results. Grade B might even be better, but it’s hard to find sometimes.

Minced bacon. I don’t know how much I used — maybe 1/2 cup? It doesn’t matter. It’s bacon. More is better.

Mix all of these ingredients together enough to blend them but not too much. Pour into cupcake papers and bake. I experimented with the time….I have a convection oven that converts for me automatically. I put the first batch in at 350 for 18 minutes. This converted to 325 for 16 minutes. I watched them closely and ended up taking them out at about 13 minutes. I think all ovens are different, so just keep an eye on them and use a toothpick to determine if they are done.

I ended up making 2 batches, which made 24 standard size cupcakes and an additional 12 mini cupcakes.

Maple Frosting – this is not my own recipe…I just found it online

1 stick of butter

2 cups powdered sugar

2 tablespoons maple syrup (again, I used Grade A, but Grade B might be better as it’s a little darker and has a richer flavor).

I topped them with a piece of bacon and voila!

Peace to you. And, be extravagant!

Hope

December 20, 2011January 3, 2012 / Stephanie / Leave a comment

This morning, there is a family grieving the loss of their infant baby girl. Anna Joy was born with a major heart defect. Just like our son (although not the same defect). She immediately had to endure a surgery that could potentially save her life — until the next surgery. Just like our son. As I have read their blog over the past couple of weeks, I have been overwhelmed by the memories. I know what it’s like to see your baby hooked up to every contraption imagineable. I know what it’s like to watch helplessly as they are wheeled away to surgery. I know what it’s like to be in the hospital during the holidays. I know what it’s like to watch the doctors scratch their heads and declare that there is little more they can do for your baby. I know what it’s like to cry out to God, “Please don’t make me bury an infant”. What I don’t know is what it’s like to come home from the hospital without my baby. It’s times like this that I am overwhelmed with “survivor’s guilt”. I’ve experienced it other times as well as dear friends of mine have lost their children…and each time I wonder why. Why was their child taken and not mine? I remember finding very little comfort in well-meaning Christians telling me that God’s ways are perfect. In fact, it makes me mad. “NO!”, I want to scream. This is not perfect. Death is not perfect. The God I believe in is grieving along with me. This was not how it was meant to be. Creation, as God intended, has been broken.

I’m not saying that God’s ways are not perfect. As Christians, we believe that He works out all things for good (Romans 8:28). But, sometimes we cannot see the good, especially when we are in the midst of heartbreak. I once heard an analogy about a quilt. We see our lives as the front of the quilt, with just the patterns showing. But if we look under the backing, we would see all of the threads and knots that were needed to make the finished product. Still, not much consolation to a grieving parent.

And, then I remember Christmas. The day that we celebrate the birth of God’s son, who was to be the Savior of the world. Jesus was sent to right the wrongs and restore all things to perfection – to the way God intended them to be. To abolish death (2 Timothy 1:10) To give us eternal life so that we would never again have to grieve death (John 3:16).

Does any of this make it easier to grieve the death of a child? Absolutely not. But, it gives us hope. A reminder that there is light in darkness (John 1:15).

Please lift this family up in thought and prayer. Because as a friend put it, in comparison to this, we don’t actually have any problems. Light a candle tonight and say to the darkness, “we beg to differ” (Mary Jo Leddy).

And then listen to this song, written by a friend of ours, about the love, peace and joy that Jesus brings.

Wish you a merry Christmas – Aaron Spiro

Conspire with me

November 29, 2011January 3, 2012 / Stephanie / Leave a comment

Let me start out by saying that I am a gift giver. I love giving presents that bring people joy. It’s my “love language” as they say. But, every year about this time, I start to go on a rant about consumerism. This year is a little bit different though.

I used to be 100% opposed to Black Friday. I despised all that it stood for and wondered at the irony of how quickly we shift from being thankful to being, well…greedy. I’ve been doing more thinking about it recently and while I haven’t necessarily changed my position, my outlook has shifted. I still don’t like it. Especially when I hear stories of people using pepper spray to ensure that they get the product they want. Or grandfathers being slammed to the ground by police, traumatizing grandchildren. In fact, the violence this year is reported as being the worst ever. You begin to wonder if the gifts that people are fighting over will even be remembered by this time next year. Chances are, they won’t.

On the other hand, it is prudent to steward your money wisely. If you can save 50% on something that you are going to buy anyway, why not take advantage of the sales? My laptop computer died on the Monday before Thanksgiving. I need a new one because I use my computer to work from home. We were able to get a deal and spent 1/3 of what our alloted budget was for it. We happened to do it online, but if we wanted to stand in line for it, that would be our business.

I also support spending money locally. I love the idea of Small Business Saturday. When I lived in Olympia, I used to go to Duck the Malls every year. I found wonderful gifts which supported local artisans. (It’s coming up next weekend, so if you are in the area, check it out!)

Another thing I have started to consider is the tradition that some people enjoy. My sister-in-law goes out with her sisters every year. They love it. They get to spend time together and enjoy eachothers company while saving money on gifts they will likely buy anyway.

My issue with Black Friday and Cyber Monday and the all of the consumerism that surrounds the holidays really boils down to a heart issue. If you are buying things and spending money on a gift just because it’s on sale, it doesn’t make sense to me. I promise you that people who love you would much rather have your time. A couple of years ago, I gave my step-mom a hand made gift certificate for a date to afternoon tea at the Phoenician Resort in Phoenix, where she lives. Yes, in the end, I still spent money — and I knew that it would be months before we would actually do it (it was May by the time I got to Phoenix). But, that afternoon we spent together will forever be in our memories — a bigger treasure than any material thing I could have purchased for that same price.
And, then there is the reality that despite our current economic situation, we are still the richest country in the world. In the midst of cries of “we are the 99%”, we still have managed to spend around $54 billion between Black Friday and Cyber Monday.

To the rest of the world, we are the 1%.

These folks say it better than I ever could. I’ve been trying to live by the Advent Conspiracy values for many years now. I still give gifts. I just approach it differently now.