teenager

Life according to Jake

/ Stephanie / 1 Comment

It’s been hard having a 13 year old these past few days.  In the past, I’ve been able to avoid talking about national tragedies by avoiding turning on the television.  I remember being so grateful that he was only 2 on 9/11 because I had no idea what I would have said to him.

Then, Friday happened and I had no idea what to say to him.  But, I had to say something.  I quickly realized that you don’t have to have an answer about “why?”, but the most important thing to do is listen and encourage them to talk about their feelings.  And, as we talked, I found that my sweet son was being as comforting to me as I was trying to be to him.

I was trying to explain to him about how I react to things —  I told him about a character in The Secret Life of Bees that I relate to.  May Boatright is a complicated personality. Highly sensitive to the pain of others, she carries the weight of the world in her soul.  She built a wailing wall in her backyard and goes there when she is upset.  And then I told him that I often joke that I need a wailing wall of my own in the backyard.

He looked at me and said, “Mom, you don’t need to build a wailing wall.  You have one right here”, and he patted his chest.  “God knows what’s in your heart”.

Tears filled my eyes as I looked at this child, who has no idea how wise he is, even though sometimes he still puts his pants on backwards.  I thanked him and told him that this was a conversation I will never forget.

I’ve said it before….I take no credit for how awesome he is.  But, I do like to share the insights he has.  Usually they are funny and light-hearted.  Today, I hope his wise words can bring someone else comfort as well.

Feel free to use this post as your own wailing wall.  My son and I would be privileged to join you in prayer for everyone affected by the Newtown shooting.  And, that means everyone.

wailing wall

Happy Constitution Day

/ Stephanie / 1 Comment

You did know that the Constitution was signed on September 17th, didn’t you?

It’s also Jake’s 13th birthday.  He wasn’t supposed to arrive on this day.  I had other plans.  You see, on September 17th, 1999, I was only 32.5 weeks pregnant and was supposed to be having a baby shower.  Honestly though, nothing had gone according to plan up to that point, (nor has it since), so I can’t say that it was all that surprising.  And in retrospect, it was a perfect day for Jake, lover of all things history, to come into the world.

I really wasn’t going to post anything today, as I got the sap out in Friday’s entry.  And, I think it’s probably clear how much I adore my son since I talk about him every so often.  But, then my friends started wishing him a “Happy Birthday” on Facebook and one pointed out that this is the anniversary of me becoming and mommy….and another thanked him for being born so that she and I could be friends.  And, then I read the list of people that were “liking” and commenting and realized that so many of them have come into my life because I had a baby on September 17th, 1999.  This list of people, many of whom were strangers 14 years ago, are now people I cannot imagine my life without.  Some of them I met on the internet,  in virtual “playgroups”, some of them are parents of his friends who have become some of my closest friends, some of them are his teachers and mentors and pastors.  Some are even relatively new friends who have still had a major impact on his life.  Each one has played a vital role in his life — and mine.

And then there are the people who were there before he was born.  The people who knew us before we ever decided to be parents.  The people who loved us and helped make us the people we were on September 17, 1999 when this new little life came into the world.  They are the people who took time on their lunch hours to bring me food and visit me as I endured weeks of bed-rest.  And, the real saints who spent their vacations visiting me and keeping me company during that time.  They helped us move into a new house in August…in Phoenix.  They filled our hospital room with so many flowers after Jake was born that we began to give them to other new mommies in the pod.  They welcomed him and have loved him and cherished him almost as much as we do.

And then there are people who aren’t here anymore.  Relatives who never even got to meet him, but who I see everyday in his face.  Others who did get to spend some time with him, but who only live on in stories that he loves to hear about them.  And Julie.  His auntie, not by blood, but certainly by love…who was the first non-relative to visit us in the hospital and who I wish so badly could have been here to teach him all the really fun stuff.  She would have loved his sense of humor.

Indeed, it takes a village to raise a child.  I’m grateful beyond words for our village.  I know that you know who you are, if you are reading this.  Thank you for being there for us as parents…and for him…for loving him and encouraging him and for being part of his story so far.  You’ve made a difference in his life.  As I told another friend of mine today….he’s your kiddo, too.   And, I’m glad because there’s no way we could have done this without you.

“I had such a good birthday, I’m going to have wrinkles from smiling so much.”

Teenage Dream

/ Stephanie / 3 Comments

My son turns 13 on Monday.  In and of itself, this is unreal to me.  First of all, I still think I’m 28, so I am not old enough to have a 13 year old.  Secondly, my pregnancy (and the pregnancies that came before him) and the first year of his life were scary.  The fact that he had a first birthday was a miracle, so a 13th birthday is…well, a miracle.

My husband is a great dad.  He doesn’t always know it though.  He has no memory of actually living in the same house with his own father.  That is his story, but I say that to illustrate a point and that is that he didn’t always have a role model to learn from.  And, as all parents know, kids don’t come with instructions.  We quickly learned to hate parenting books (oh, now there’s an idea for a blog post) and we’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way.  Fortunately, I don’t think they have caused any real permanent damage.
Anyway, despite any insecurities my husband has about fatherhood, I am here to tell you that he is amazing.  And, here’s how I know:  we have a great kid.

Last night, we had Back to School night at Jake’s middle school.  One of the teachers asked us to write down one thing about our child that makes us smile.  Lloyd wrote about the joy that Jake displays on a regular basis.  He’s a joyful kid with a great attitude.  He loves life.  And, it’s true — he does.  People comment all the time about his infectious smile. Then this morning, somebody in my Facebook feed posted this quote:

Children learn to smile from their parents.

~Shinichi Suzuki

Now, I know that I can’t take credit for most of the awesome personality traits that my son has.  But, as I thought about that quote…I thought, “YES!  We can take some credit for that one!”.  We have always tried to maintain a happy household (even when there wasn’t a lot to smile about).  And, it shows in our son’s face.  If you had asked me before he was born what one trait I would want my child to have, I would have said that I wanted him to be happy.

Back to my husband and what a great dad he is.  He’s always made sure to carve out special one-on-one time to spend with Jake.  When we lived in Olympia, they would spend Saturday mornings going to Twister Donuts and then to the library.  Here in Maryland, they don’t have a regular routine, but they still regularly spend time together.  Jake will even speak up when he’s craving some Dad/Son time.  It can be anything from going to a Nationals game together to just hanging out at Game Stop. Despite all that, he’s been wanting to take Jake on a road trip….just the guys…for a while.

A few weeks ago, I realized that Jake’s birthday falls on Rosh Hashanah, which in Montgomery County is a school holiday.  Then, I heard Lloyd and Jake talking about wanting to go to the Baseball Hall of Fame someday…maybe when Ken Griffey Jr. is eligible for induction.  So I told Lloyd that he should take Jake there for his birthday weekend.  Just the two of them.

This afternoon, Lloyd picked Jake up early from school and told him they were headed to Cooperstown.  Jake was crying tears of happiness when he called me.  I’m not even going and I’m so excited for them that it gives me butterflies in my stomach.  Yes, I wish I was going, but I’m glad they are going together.  And, they’ll take lots of pictures and tell me all about it, but it will be something that only they share.  It’s something neither one of them will ever forget.  And, it is the perfect prologue to this new chapter in the Story of Us.

I am so proud of the kid that Jake is and the man that he is becoming.  And, I’m eternally grateful for Lloyd who is his greatest role model.  If Jake is half the man that his father is, he will be amazing.

Round 2 of the birthday celebration will be watching the Dodgers play the Nationals on Tuesday — and yes, I get to go to that!  🙂  Lloyd’s a lifelong Dodger fan, so it’s a bit of a rivalry in our house, but he also just bought Nationals season tickets, so we forgive him.